Chivalry is not dead.
I couldn't see Gabriel's lips moving, but I could hear his voice as he
stood, back to me, facing the priest and the woman who would soon be his wife. I couldn't see his face, but I could see the scar under his left ear
from where a bullet struck him a five years earlier in Afghanistan. I couldn't know his eyes, but I knew the purity of the
Chivalrous
self-sacrifice and commitment he was swearing into the ring he was
putting on his wife's finger.
"...until death do us part." I heard him say.
I nodded silently, standing at attention behind Gabriel as he faced the
woman he giving his life to.
I knew he meant every single word he said in his vows to his new wife. Gabriel, the only man I knew who I
truly felt was a
real modern-day
Chevalier.
If he were born seven hundred years ago, he would be right at home with me in
full plate armor with a two-handed sword mounted on a warhorse riding
off to war out of a castle -- and not because of a silly
fantasy; but because he truly embodied what it meant to be
Chevalier.
Gabriel was a
Lord and
Master
of his house. A powerful man, who men followed not because he
demanded allegiance, but because he was their natural leader
.
A man of nobility, not by birthright but by the right of his Noble
Mind. A man who earned the
respect of his fellow man and the love
of his women by his actions and the qualities of his life as a man.
Gabriel was
Chevalier.
And only
Chevalier can show True
Chivalry.
*****
There's
a difference between a display of Chivalry and just being nice, or
courteous. And like it or not, the truth is that the difference
is in the man who is displaying the act.
Why do women like
nice guys?
No, not the NiceGuy™ I make fun of -- the guys who are
truly, genuinely
nice?
Women
like nice guys because they exhibit signs of
gentlemanly conduct,
because it shows that they have a good upbringing and because of their
good upbringing, their possible children with this nice guy will have a
good upbringing too. Women like nice guys because they treat
women well, and genuinely care about them and their well-being.
At this point, they are great guys and are gentlemen, but
not Chevalier. Their behavior
is gentlemanly, but not
Chivalrous.
There's something missing.
Let's look at these three scenarios, and the
differences in the level of Chivalry when the
man engaging in the
scenario is changed but the behavior remains the same.
Scenario 1:
You are walking up to a door. You are with a guy who is nice, who
worships you, constantly calls you, always runs ahead to open the door
for you. He always walks slightly behind you. You like him,
but he's insecure, very needy, emotionally unstable, clingy, and has
self-esteem problems. You were with him once, when some guys were
calling you obscene names, and he did nothing. Like always, he
runs ahead and opens the door for you because he feels like he needs to
in order for you to like him.
Scenario 2:
You are walking up to a door. You are with a guy friend who you
are hanging out with. You've been friends for a very long
time. He's a great guy, but he's just a regular joe that you're
not really attracted to for whatever reason. There's nothing
wrong with him -- he's a good friend, he's just not your type.
You're laughing and talking, and when you two get to the door, he opens
the door for you.
Scenario 3:
You
are walking up to a door, alone. Inside the door, you see a
tall, muscular, handsome, well-dressed man. He is
accompanied by two bodyguards and one of the most beautiful women
you've ever seen. You recognize him as being one of the city's
most eligible bachelor's from your local metropolitan news
magazine -- a man who came from a childhood of nothing but earned his
way to the top. He reaches the door at
the same time as you do.
He looks at you, smiles, and holds the door open for you as he yields
and defers to you.
Looking at the first scenario, we see that there is no value in his
opening the door. There is absolutely no Chivalry here. He
doesn't open the door because he respects you, he opens the door
because he worships you. He opens the door because he feels it's
what he needs to do in order to have you continue liking him. He
serves you because he believes that he is beneath you. He's not a
real man --
he may as well be your servant. His act of opening
the door for you is empty. It's a nice gesture, and one to be
appreciated, but not one that holds value.
Looking at the second scenario, we see that there is value in his
opening the door. He
respects you as his equal, regardless of the
fact that he is not in a relationship with you. He opens the door
for you because he
respects you, and in respecting you,
wishes to show
his respect for you by opening the door for you. This is the kind
of guy that is worthwhile -- because he has enough in himself to offer
and lay down by opening the door for you.
Looking at the third scenario, we see that there is extreme value in
his opening the door. This is not a man who needs to open doors
for you. This is a man who has doors opened for him by people who
call him '
sir', usually preceded by '
yes' and followed by '
anything you
want'. This is a man who really doesn't need to respect you, or
show you any kind of courtesy at all,
but who chooses to do so anyway
-- he comes from a position of power, and he symbolically bows down to
you, yields to you and defers to you because you are a lady
worthy of
his deference in his immediate proximity.
Women like nice guys because nice guys demonstrate behavior that reminds them of Chivalry -- the behavior of Chevalier.
But there is little or no power behind the behavior of a guy who is just nice. The behavior is nice, and
is appreciated, but the kind of power that makes a women
want a man -- the power that comes with
true Chivalry is
not there.
*****
Like it or not, women are attracted to Chivalry -- to the Chevalier... the Knight.
Main Entry: chiv·al·ry 
Pronunciation: 'shi-v&l-rE
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural -ries
Etymology: Middle English chivalrie, from Middle French chevalerie, from chevalier knight -- more at CHEVALIER
1 : mounted men-at-arms
2 archaic a : martial valor b : knightly skill
3 : gallant or distinguished gentlemen
4 : the system, spirit, or customs of medieval knighthood
5 : the qualities of the ideal knight : chivalrous conduct
|
 |
Historically, the
Chevalier... the
Knight was the lowest qualifying nobility in a line
that led straight to the King. The successful Knight owned land
and owned the serfs that worked the land. The successful Knight
wielded political and social power. The successful Knight was
well-trained in war and was strong, confident and aggressive -- but
lived his life by a code of conduct; one to serve and protect those he
loved and owed his fealty to.
There was
power behind a Knight's Chivalry.
Stand to the right of your lady, so your sword hand is free to engage
one who would insult her honor; and so your free hand can sweep her
backwards as you step forward to defend her, sword drawn.
This is the reason a modern gentleman stands to the right of a woman.
When a Chivalric Knight displays courtly behavior to you, he respects you.
He is saying,
I am a Knight and I am the Lord of my land and the Master
of my house -- and I defer and yield to you because I respect you...
because under my hand, I serve and protect you.
In the modern world, the
Chevalier are rare. Let us look at the definition of
Chivalrous.
Main Entry: chiv·al·rous
Pronunciation: 'shi-v&l-r&s
Function: adjective
1 : VALIANT
2 : of, relating to, or characteristic of chivalry and knight-errantry
3 a : marked by honor, generosity, and courtesy b : marked by gracious courtesy and high-minded consideration especially to women
And following now, at the definition of
Valiant.
Main Entry: 1val·iant
Pronunciation: 'val-y&nt
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English valiaunt, from Middle French vaillant, from Old French, from present participle of valoir to be of worth, from Latin valEre to be strong -- more at WIELD
1 : possessing or acting with bravery or boldness : COURAGEOUS <valiant soldiers>
2 : marked by, exhibiting, or carried out with courage or determination : HEROIC <valiant feats>
Women
wonder why they can be attracted to the
aggressive, confident, warrior-type BadBoys™, and why at the same time they can be attracted to the courteous, caring nice guy.
Believe it or not, a woman's attraction to both of these guys stem from
the
same root attraction.
This is because the aggressive, confident, warrior-type reminds women
of the
external characteristics of the
Chevalier, and the nice, courtly
behavior reminds them of the
internal characteristics of the
Chevalier.
Women want the
Chevalier.
A Chevalier is not only a nice guy, but he is Valiant. He is Courageous -- even look at the french root Coeur, meaning heart... he is full of Heart.
He is Heroic. He possesses and acts with bravery; and is marked
by and is exhibited by Determination.
He is known for Honor,
Generosity and Courtesy. But when it's time for war, whether to
defend his woman, his home, his livelihood, or his honor -- he is known
for Martial prowess and Valor; for Gallantry, and his willingness to
fight to the end.
There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy doing nice things for a
woman you care about -- especially if you view her as your equal and
you
respectfully treat her as your equal. Nice guys are great guys.
But there is a difference between being
nice and being
Chivalrous.
In order to be
Chivalrous... in order to practice
True Chivalry, you must be
Chevalier.
You must be of that kind of strength of internal quality. It doesn't
require nobility of birthright -- what it does require is the
Noble Mind. Once you have the
Noble Mind, you will begin to walk the path of
the
True Chevalier.
It doesn't matter what you do, whether you are a CEO or a Surgeon or a
powerful Attorney, or even if you're a really good Carpenter or Surfboard shaper or a Chef or even a Student. Because you have the
Noble Mind, you try to be the best
man you can be. Because you have the
Noble Mind, you strive to be the best you can be in whatever pursuit you choose. Because you have the
Noble Mind, you are already successful and you will naturally be driven to success in whatever you do.
Success is not measured in terms of monetary wealth or the amount of women you have in your life.
Success is measured by Courage -- your strength of Coeur,
of Heart. Success is measured by Determination -- your strength
of Mind in staying your course. Success is measured by Martial
prowess -- your strength of your body against the world. Success
is measured by Heroism -- your strength of Soul.
You, man of the
Noble Mind.
You, man of Modern Nobility.
You, are the Modern
Chevalier.
